


Enjoy The Silence

by science_weasels



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Deaf Clint Barton, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/science_weasels/pseuds/science_weasels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky finds an unlikely friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home?

When Bucky comes back to himself, it is because of Steve. It is Steve he seeks out in the strangeness of fully inhabiting his own body once again. When he knocks on the door of his old apartment in Brooklyn, it is Steve who answers. But there is so much Steve still hopes he will be. In his silences waits the expectations of a friend. Of someone who knew him before he became what he is now. The expectant silence is too much. Bucky retreats to a bedroom and stares at the floor. With his memories and his hopes, Steve cannot reach him. 

The part of Bucky that is, that was, that always will be the Winter Soldier remembers Natasha. When she brings him soup he feels that part of himself rage up inside, demanding to fight, to crush, to finish what he started. He does not understand the look in her eyes until he realizes he has crushed the spoon in his metal hand, and there is tomato soup splattered across the floor like drops of blood. Bucky retreats to the bed and stares at the floor. Natasha does not come into his room again. Natasha can only reach the monster inside of him. 

A man named Sam comes next. He sits a safe distance away, talks to Bucky. He uses words like “Post-traumatic stress disorder” and “traumatic brain injury” and “dissociation.” Bucky understands these words are adjectives, meant to be applied like bandages. Like naming the thing is enough to tame it. It is a piece of the puzzle, but not one that fits in Bucky’s silence. Bucky retreats further into himself and stares and the floor. With the wrong half of the equation, Sam cannot reach him. 

The next day, there is no one. Bucky begins to think maybe they will leave him here, a hollow husk of a man. He washes, eats, sleeps, mechanical. He begins to doubt that he has any right to call himself human.  
\---  
He’s sitting on the bed when a new person walks in. The stranger is blond, like Steve, but covered in scrapes and bruises. His nose appears to be broken. He walks with the practiced casualness of a warrior, but instead of a weapon, he carries a pizza box, a six pack of beer, and a magazine. He sets them down on the table and gives Bucky a friendly non-threatening wave. He does not introduce himself, but grabs a beer, a slice of pizza, and the magazine. He throws himself into the chair and props his feet up on the table. 

“Pepperoni.” He says, without context, and makes a curious motion with his hands before he begins to eat. When he is finished with the slice, he flips open the magazine, seemingly content to have Bucky stare at him. Bucky’s silence doesn’t seem to bother him. He reads his magazine, drinks his beer, and eats several more pieces of pizza. Eventually, he checks his watch, stands up, waves at Bucky and heads out. Bucky is mystified. 

The next day, the man is back again. Another six-pack, another pizza. “Sausage and onion.” He announces, and flicks the top off the beer. Again a series of gestures, different this time. Bucky is puzzled. Code? He settles down with his magazine and begins to read. Several hours pass, and the man once again checks his watch, nods, and gets up to leave. He pauses for a moment, then leaves the magazine on the table with the rest of the pizza, nods in a friendly manner at Bucky, and walks out.  
When the man arrives the next day, Bucky finally has some more information. The magazine the man had left behind, Archer’s Quarterly, is addressed to Clint F. Barton, and judging by the notations in the margins, the man is an archer indeed. But none of this explains why the man- Clint, keeps showing up with beer and pizza. 

“Hawaiian.” Clint says, and this time he makes a series of gestures with one hand that could be letters, and there is ham and pineapple on the pizza. Bucky wrinkles his nose, and Clint laughs. Bucky gets the sense Clint is not laughing at him, but rather at the absurdity of the pizza. “It’s not as awful as it sounds.” He promises, then cracks open a beer and picks up the magazine. 

It surprises both of them when Bucky speaks. “Why?” He asks, and Clint arches an eyebrow. 

“Hold on a minute.” He says moving his hands again, and reaches behind his ear to fiddle with something Bucky can’t quite see. “Okay. Sorry. What?” 

“Why?” Bucky repeats, feeling a little silly. His voice is rough and scratchy. He can’t remember the last time he’s spoken. 

“Why what? Why is there fruit on the pizza?” Clint asks. “I think that showed up after your time. It’s pretty popular.”

“Why are you here?” Bucky clarifies, looking at Clint intently. To his surprise, Clint merely shrugs. “I’m a friend of Steve’s. Thought maybe I could help.”

“Help how?” Bucky asks, frowning. No one can help him. He’s broken. 

“You’re talking, aren’t you?” Clint points out, and grabs a slice of pizza.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint finally gets around to explaining himself.

Being around Clint is calming, Bucky decides after a few more days of pizza and beer. Clint brings a different pizza in every day (today’s has pears on it) and seems content to just sit in comfortable silence with Bucky. Not like Steve, who constantly searches his face for flickers of the friend he’d lost, or Sam who’s eager to file Bucky away with a diagnosis. 

Bucky finishes his second slice of the pear pizza, deciding it’s not half bad. He clears his throat and is mildly surprised when Clint ignores him. “Why did Steve send you?” He asks, and Clint gives no indication that he’s even heard. 

“Hey!” He says a little louder, and waves his hand in Clint’s direction. Clint reacts immediately, snapping to attention with a soldier’s reflexes. “What? Oh, shit man, I’m sorry.” He fiddles behind his ear again and turns back to Bucky with a sheepish smile. 

“Sorry, I didn’t have my hearing aids turned on.” He says, turning his head so that Bucky can see the bare outlines of the technology. 

“You’re deaf.” Bucky says, and realizes only after he’s said it that he made it a statement and not a question. But Clint just nods in agreement. 

“Yup. Sometimes I enjoy the silence.” Bucky nods slowly. He understands that. His own silence has been his constant companion since he remembered himself. After a moment, he realizes Clint is looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to repeat himself. 

“Why did Steve send you?” he asks again. Clint leans forward and grabs another slice of pizza. 

“We thought maybe you were doing what I did when I lost my hearing.” Clint says, taking a bite of the pizza and chewing thoughtfully. Bucky cocks his head, but Clint merely continues eating. 

“What?” Bucky tries, then starts again. “What did you do?”

Clint sets the pizza down. “What.” He says, and makes a gesture with his hands. “That’s the sign for ‘what’ in American Sign Language.” He makes another gesture with both hands, tapping his index and thumbs together like pincers. “And this is, roughly, ‘what are you doing’ the grammar is kinda different.” 

He waits expectantly, and Bucky realizes Clint is waiting for him to repeat the sign. He does so, and Clint nods approvingly. “I lost my hearing in an accident with an assassin about a year ago. But I had problems with it when I was a kid, picked up some ASL then. I’m learning again now.”

Bucky makes the ‘what are you doing?’ sign again and Clint laughs. “You’re a quick study. Well, when I lost my hearing, I fell into the silence. I let it convince me that I was broken, that there was nothing left in me but the silence, the imperfection.” He sighs. “It took my brother literally slapping some sense into me-” He pauses at Bucky’s look of alarm and raises both of his hands in a non threatening gesture.

“Now I’m not gonna do that, I don’t want a piece of Bucky Barnes.” He laughs. “But if you want, I’ll teach you how I learned to live with the silence.” After a long silence, Bucky nods. “All right then.” Clint makes a shape with one hand. “We’ll start with the alphabet. This is ‘A’.”


End file.
